Flares, Fatigue, and the Invisible Cost of Showing Up
If your body has been shouting “too much” while the world keeps shouting “Merry & Bright,” this one is for you.
The holiday season has a way of asking for more from our bodies: more energy, more flexibility, more smiling, more “just one more thing.” For those living with unseen illnesses, chronic pain, or long-term fatigue, it can feel like your body is being dragged along behind everyone else’s plans.
You’re not imagining it.
You’re not being dramatic.
You’re not “too sensitive.”
The holidays really can hurt.
What People See vs. What They Don’t
From the outside, people might see:
- A cute outfit and a smile in a holiday photo
- You sitting at the table, laughing during dinner
- A plate of food, a wrapped gift, a quick joke
It looks normal. It looks fun. It looks… fine.
But they don’t see:
- The pain meds timed just right so you can sit through a meal
- The hours you spent resting beforehand so you could show up for one event
- The noise, lights, smells, and crowded rooms that make your nervous system feel like it’s on fire
- The way your heart sinks when there’s nowhere quiet to escape for a few minutes
- The crash you know is waiting for you later… or tomorrow… or both
For many of us, a two-hour gathering is actually a three-day project: one day to prepare, one day to attend, one (or more) to recover.
If that’s you, I want you to hear this clearly:
You are not weak because the holidays are hard on your body.
You are carrying more than most people can see.
The Invisible Math of Energy
People with unseen illnesses often become expert “energy accountants.” You’re constantly doing math no one else realizes you’re doing:
- “If I go to the kids’ program, I may not have the spoons to make dinner.”
- “If I stand in line at that store, I’ll probably flare tomorrow.”
- “If I stay the whole time, I might not function for two days.”
And during the holidays, that math gets even more complicated:
- Travel ➜ strange beds, long car rides, disrupted routines
- Events ➜ extra noise, bright lights, strong scents, crowds
- Food ➜ things your body may not tolerate well
- Expectations ➜ “You’re coming, right? Everybody will be there!”
Sometimes, your body’s honest answer is: No, I can’t do all of that and stay okay.
That’s not you being lazy.
That’s you telling the truth about your limits.
The Guilt That Sneaks In
On top of the physical cost, there’s often a heavy emotional cost:
- Guilt about canceling plans
- Worry that family or friends think you just “don’t want to come”
- Fear of disappointing kids, grandkids, or loved ones
- Shame because your body “can’t do what it used to”
Maybe you’ve heard well-meaning comments like:
- “You can push through for one night.”
- “Everyone’s tired this time of year.”
- “You don’t look that sick.”
Those words can sting, especially when you are pushing through more than anyone realizes just to show up a little.
If this is you, I want to say this gently but firmly:
You are not selfish for listening to your body.
You are not a bad parent, partner, child, or friend for needing to say “no.”
You are a human being with a body that has real limits. And God is not disappointed in you for honoring those limits.
Gentle Ways to Make the Holidays Easier on Your Body
You may not be able to make the season pain-free or flare-free, but you can make small choices that show kindness to your body. Here are some gentle ideas to consider (not homework, just options):
1. Choose one “main thing.”
Instead of trying to do all the events, pick the one gathering that matters most to you and build your energy around that. It’s okay if the rest of the calendar is lighter than years past.
2. Build in recovery time on purpose.
If you know an event will take a lot out of you, go ahead and “schedule” a recovery day afterward. Give yourself permission ahead of time not to do anything big the next day.
3. Simplify the tasks that drain you.
- Use gift bags instead of wrestling with wrapping paper and tape.
- Order groceries or use pickup instead of walking crowded stores.
- Bring bakery cookies or a store-bought dish and save your spoons for being present, not performing.
4. Create an exit plan.
Talk with trusted family or friends ahead of time:
“I might need to leave early or step outside for breaks. If I do, it’s not because I don’t love being here—it’s because my body is yelling ‘enough.’”
5. Claim a quiet space if you can.
If you’re going to someone’s home, ask if there’s a room where you can slip away for a few minutes if things get overwhelming. A short break in a quieter space can make a big difference.
6. Let ‘good enough’ be good enough.
Your decorations don’t have to be magazine-worthy. Your table settings don’t have to match. Your gifts don’t have to be elaborate. If your body is already stretched thin, simpler truly is better.
These are not signs that you’re failing at the holidays.
They are signs that you are choosing survival over spectacle—and that is a wise, brave choice.
For the Loved Ones Who Want to Help
If you love someone with an unseen illness, you might feel unsure how to support them this time of year. A few things that can help:
- Believe them when they say they’re in pain or exhausted.
- Don’t guilt them if they need to cancel or leave early.
- Offer practical help: rides, wrapping gifts, cooking, cleaning.
- Give them options instead of pressure:
“We’d love to see you, but we understand if it’s too much. What would make this easier for you?”
Sometimes the kindest gift you can give is permission to be real.
The God Who Sees Your Body, Too
If you’ve ever sat in a bathroom, car, or quiet corner during a holiday gathering and cried because your body just couldn’t keep up…
If you’ve watched others play games, cook, clean, and celebrate while you lay down and wondered, “What is wrong with me?”…
I want you to know: God is not overlooking you in those moments.
He sees every flare, every headache, every wave of fatigue, every moment you push yourself a little too far because you love the people around you. He sees the disappointment when you have to pull back, even though your heart wanted to stay.
God’s love for you does not shrink when your energy does.
His presence is just as real on the couch, in the quiet room, or in the car where you’re catching your breath, as it is around the crowded table.
You are not less valuable because your body says “stop” sooner than you wish it did.
You are deeply loved, exactly as you are, in the body you are living in today.
Before You Go…
If this resonated with you, you’re not alone. So many of us are limping, not leaping, through this season.
I’d love to hear from you:
- What part of the holidays is hardest on your body?
- Have you found a small change that makes things a little more manageable?
You’re welcome to share in the comments if you feel comfortable, or just read and know this is a soft place to land.
If you’d like others to quietly hold you in prayer, you can:
- Visit the Prayer Wall to read and quietly pray for others.
- Share your own prayer request or simply say, “Please pray for me” – God knows the details, even if you don’t share them all.
And if you’d like to stay connected as we move into the new year—with more Shine the Light stories, encouragement, and gentle resources for weary hearts—you’re invited to join my email list so you don’t miss the next posts.
You don’t have to be merry and bright to belong here.
You just have to be human. 💛