Some weeks, the hardest part of the day is just getting out of bed and pretending everything is “fine.” If you’re walking through grief right now, especially in a season when the world expects you to be cheerful, I want you to know this:
You are not broken for feeling what you feel.
You are not failing at life because you can’t “bounce back” on a timeline.
Your grief is not an inconvenience. It’s evidence that you loved deeply.
Grief doesn’t wait for a convenient time. It doesn’t circle a date on the calendar and say, “Okay, I’ll arrive after the holidays, when you’re rested and ready.” It crashes in whenever it wants, and sometimes it stays a lot longer than anyone around you seems to understand.
Grief Isn’t Just About Death
When we hear the word “grief,” we often think of losing a loved one to death. And that is absolutely a deep, real kind of grief. But there are so many other losses that can quietly break our hearts:
- The loss of health or abilities you used to have
- The loss of a job, financial stability, or a dream you’d built your life around
- The loss of a friendship, marriage, or relationship that used to feel safe
- The loss of “who you used to be” before chronic illness, trauma, or unseen disability
- The loss of traditions that no longer work for your body, your schedule, or your reality
These kinds of grief don’t always get casseroles and sympathy cards. They’re often invisible to the outside world, especially if your illness, pain, or struggle is something people can’t easily see. That “invisible grief” can feel even heavier because you’re carrying it while smiling and nodding and saying, “I’m okay,” when your heart is anything but.
When the World Wants “Merry” and You’re Just Trying to Breathe
Holidays and special occasions can be especially painful when you’re grieving. Everywhere you look, there are messages saying things like “Be joyful!” and “Best time of the year!” And maybe part of you wishes you could feel that way… but a bigger part of you is just trying to make it through the day without falling apart in the cereal aisle.
If that’s where you are, I want to say this clearly:
- You are allowed to feel sad, angry, numb, exhausted, or all of the above.
- You are allowed to step back from traditions that hurt too much right now.
- You are allowed to do your holidays differently this year—or not at all.
Grief doesn’t make you a failure. It makes you human.
You Don’t Have to “Get Over It” on a Schedule
Sometimes well-meaning people say things like “It’s time to move on” or “They wouldn’t want you to be sad” or “At least you still have… (fill in the blank).” Those phrases might be meant to comfort, but what they often do is send the message that your grief is taking “too long.”
But grief isn’t a homework assignment with a due date. It’s more like waves on the shore. Some days the waves are smaller, and you can walk along the sand without getting soaked. Other days a wave comes out of nowhere and knocks you flat on your back again.
If you’re being hit by those waves, hear this today: you are not behind.
Gentle Ways to Care for Your Heart Right Now
You can’t “fix” grief, but you can offer your heart gentle support while you carry it. Here are some small, realistic ideas (especially for those of us whose energy and spoons are limited):
- Lower the bar. Give yourself permission to do less this season—fewer events, simpler meals, scaled-down traditions.
- Create one small “safe space” ritual. Light a candle, hold a favorite mug, sit in a quiet chair by a window—somewhere you can breathe and be honest with God about how you feel.
- Limit the comparison game. It’s okay to mute, unfollow, or scroll past posts that make you feel worse right now.
- Ask for specific help. “Could you pick up milk when you go out?” or “Can you sit with me for 10 minutes and just listen?”
- Give your body what you can. A glass of water, a small snack, a short stretch, or a nap can all be acts of kindness toward yourself.
You don’t have to “do grief” perfectly. Small, kind choices count.
For the Friends & Family of Someone Who’s Grieving
If you love someone who is grieving right now, you might feel unsure about what to say or do. Here are a few gentle suggestions:
- Show up with presence, not pressure. “I’m here. You don’t have to pretend to be okay with me.” is more powerful than advice.
- Listen more than you talk. Let them share their stories, their anger, their silence—even if you don’t have answers.
- Offer specific, doable help. “Can I drop off a meal on Tuesday?” or “I’m going to the store—can I grab anything for you?”
- Keep them in your calendar. Grief often gets harder after everyone else has moved on. A check-in text or call weeks or months later can mean a lot.
- Don’t disappear just because it’s uncomfortable. Love is willing to sit in the ache.
You don’t have to fix their grief. You just have to walk beside them.
Where Is God in All of This?
It’s okay if your grief has raised hard questions about God. Maybe you’ve whispered (or shouted), “Why did You allow this?” or “Where were You?” or “How am I supposed to keep trusting You now?” God is not scared of those questions.
Scripture tells us that God is “close to the brokenhearted” and that He saves those who are crushed in spirit (Psalm 34:18). We’re told that Jesus wept at the tomb of His friend Lazarus, even though He knew resurrection was coming. He didn’t skip over the tears just because He knew how the story would end.
If all you can pray right now is “God, this hurts,” that’s a real prayer. If all you can do is sit in silence with your pain, He can meet you there too.
There will be a day when He wipes every tear from our eyes and makes all things new. But until then, He walks with us through the valley—not just at the finish line.
A Little Kindness Challenge for This Week
Whether you’re the one grieving, or you know someone who is, here’s a gentle challenge for this week:
- If you are grieving: choose one small act of kindness toward yourself. It might be resting instead of forcing yourself to go somewhere, writing a letter you’ll never send, or simply telling yourself, “It makes sense that I feel this way.”
- If you know someone who is grieving: reach out once this week. A short message like, “I’m thinking of you and I’m here if you need anything,” can shine more light than you realize.
You don’t have to fix the darkness of grief. But you can carry a little candle into it—whether for yourself or for someone else.
Before You Go…
Before you sign off from this article, would you take a moment to check out our little online shop at TheFlyingFrog.Store? You’ll find jewelry, t-shirts, sweatshirts, tote bags, and more designed to spread kindness, compassion, and awareness of unseen illnesses.
If you see something you like but need a different color or have an idea you’d love us to create, we’re happy to do custom orders when we can—usually at no extra charge.
This tiny store is what helps us keep the rest of the mission going—writing these posts, building resources, and encouraging people who are hurting. If you’re enjoying the content and feel led to support the work, a purchase from the shop is one very real way to help.
Let’s Keep the Conversation Going
If today’s post on grief resonated with you, you’re welcome to share in the comments—whether it’s a small piece of your story, something you’ve learned, or just “I’m in this season too.” You don’t have to have the perfect words.
If you’d like prayer, you can:
- Leave a simple note in the comments (even just “please pray” is enough),
- Share a prayer request privately through our Submit a Prayer Request form, or
- Visit the Prayer Wall to read other requests and pray for others.
However you found your way here today, I’m glad you’re here. You are seen, you are loved, and you don’t have to walk this road alone. 💛